Heres the problem, my wife is from Slovakia shes never swung before,has heard about it on the news{we live in Las Vegas} and asked whats this I told her,she said shed never heard of this before and are these people crazy or what? I explained to her that its normal people do it every day all around the world even in her country,she still insits it doesnt. Shes from a small town about 2 hrs.from russia & 150 miles from Hungry witch would explain to all why shes never heard of this. Now I want know is there a way to ease her into swinging and how??? we've been married for 9 yrs. I've swung befor we got married in CA. and made some good solid friends anyone who has any ideas let me know thanks Wallygtoo.

First of all you said she asked it the swingers were crazy... You are going to need to get her beyond that concept. People who swing are quite normal. Different in their view of sex... If she is Catholic you may have a real problem. The concept of sex for purposes other than procreation is not what is taught in the Catholic church. So go slow and talk with her about sex as fun... that there are no monogamous animals on this planet... and we are, after all, part of the animal kingdom. So the first step is to get talking, communicating about the concept. Maybe then you can sit down and talk about swinging with her. Tell her that doctors, nurses, firemen. cops, engineers, auto mechanics, truck drivers virtually every walk of life is represented and that the numbers are climbing every year. There are an unuseual number of health care professionals involved in swinging. Then believe it or not quite a few police.

If and when you get her to a point where she has some curiosity in the idea you might want to take her to a club social where she can meet some of these "perverts" (LOL) who are just normal people who like sex. We've been there and done that when we got started... The people at off premise swinging socials are generally quite friendly and not ready to put the hammer down on someone who is new and looking. Many will sit down and talk to you and her and answer any questions she or you may have. She'll get an eyeful of, particularly the women, and how open and sexy they get.... and some of the men. If she's not offended she may want to get involved... but that has to be her decission. Women rule is part of the first rule ...NO is NO and women rule the lifestyle.

This just starts to touch the surface... and a question does your wife know that you used to swing? Sounds like a no.. from what you've said ..Not knowing what swinging is and the statement about are they crazy....You need to be careful there.. She may think you are one of those pervs.LOL

One key thing is not to press.. if and when she is ready, and you'll know... you can proceed.. We had a time getting past a number of roadblocks before B would even consider swinging but that is not something to talk about on the open forum.

Would be happy to talk to you on Yahoo IM can actually talk there.. or email within this system.
Ray

In reply to xplorr94248:
Thanks for reply in answer to your ???'s yes shes cathloic not activly praticing[only holidays] yes she does know I swung before we got married. she understood that the friends I made were probely better than me going out and finding who knows who that might have something I dont want to catch. I think when I told her what swinging was at first she thought they were crazy but living here in Las Vegas for 6 yrs. shes either seen or heard about it all at some time so where do we go now???

The Catholic thing is not so much about practicing religion but what was learned as a child.. what is and is not sin. Sex is for procreation, not for fun (it'snot said that way but that is the dogma) and bi sexual activities are homosexual and they are also a sin... That is the training the dogma that is taught Catholics..

It's good that she knows that you wer swinging before because she knows you are not a creap a pervert and she loves you even if she thinks that..
Well enough here right now.. Get the communications going and see if you two can get beyound any blame or and or suspecion.
Ray

In reply to xplorr94248:
Xplorr94248, just want to thank you for your advice its been real helpful.I spoke to someone in one of the chat rooms about the same thing they told me to check out what respons i get fromour ad and encouraged me to meet with them alone and even if there not instred explain to them the problem and see what they have to offer. They said who knows you might hhit it off amke friends first,let them meet your wife then maybe get togother [not for swinging] then see where it takes both of you What do you think? I was also told to do this with at least 3 or 4 couples to give you more options [people] you might feel easyer with. Anyway thank you again glad someone was here for us,if I need more input I'll be in touch. bye wallygtoo.

In reply to wallygtoo:

There is no quick way... now that you have heard that a thousand times...... DO NOT PLEAD, BEG or otherwise apply pressure. She will take that as a sign that she is somehow inadequate; either in appearance or as a sex partner.

I am also a member of Adult Friend Finder com and they have searches for many areas outside the US; such as Slovakia !! On a simple search, I found about 20 couples listed. You could use this to show your wife that she just didn't know it was going on in Slovakia.

Then, I would just say nothing more about it for a while. Months later, I would simply ask her what her sexual fantasies might be. If she doesn't have any sexual fantasies, then ask her to think about what her inner most fantasies would be if she gave it some thought. Suggest she places no limits on what she can think about for her fantasies. Give her more time to think about it.

After she reveals her fantasies, tell her that you would like to make her fantasy come true. This is the approach I used with my wife and it took about three years for her to get an interest, now she has fantasies all the time! We have been swingers for about a year and we love it and the freedom it has brought to us, the improvement in our communications, in short, it has brought us closer together!

You MUST make rules and stick to them unless you mutally agree to change them.

Here is a list of our rules.
1. We ALWAYS play together, never apart, in the same room.
2. We always use condoms (yes, it's a drag, but must be done)
3. We both agree to discuss and agree on the planned activity
BEFORE we start playing with a couple. Just as important, discuss
your limits with you potential playmates beforehand too.
4. You must discuss your limits and respect each other's. NEVER
exceed your spouse's limits! This takes your trust to a higher level!
5. Let HER make ALL the decisions about who you play with, including
if you will play with another or not, etc. This provides her with
safety and control, which will make her more comfortable with your
activities.

Is this cheating on your spouse? We don't think so! We feel it is an activity we choose to do together, like golf, tennis, skiing, etc. We do not feel that sex and love are the same thing. they are distinctly different. We are deeply in love with each other and desire to give each other as much pleasure as possible. (Think about it. Some people have sex in a loveless marriage and others have love in a sexless marriage. We have wondrous love for each other and all the sex we want, with each other or with others with whom we choose to become friends - with benefits!)

We no longer fear that the other is likely to cheat, because we already get as much sex and variety that one could hope to get. We are together because we love each other, not because we have sex together!

Wallygtoo, you have your work cut out for you. As someone with East European roots I can relate.
I know at least one East European couple in Los Angeles who got divorced because the two of them saw swinging differently and the husband insisted. I agree with the exploring her fantasies approach if it turns out workable, not a high probability with the catholic upbringing issue (I also agree the upbringing rather than practice is key). One of the issues is the woman's feeling of insecurity, higher for a relatively recent immigrant. Your best chance may be to visit with some of the solid friends you made in California, as friends not to swing. If she can relate to the "normalcy" of their lives and make friends with the wife, especially the later, you may have a fighting chance. Women, especially East European women (catholic if possible) who swing are more likely to presuade her than men. Try the board here, there is at least one russian couple, although old friends will give you the best chance. Good luck.