I've said it before, but it bears repeating: swinging isn't for everyone. It takes certain amount of character for people to be able to pull it off successfully. There are pitfalls and dangers to be sure, but as a noble mind once put forth, "We do not choose to swing because it is easy, we choose to swing because it is awesome."

This is true, there are so many pitfalls that it does not make it for everyone. The biggest one being jealousy, so many relationships have been hurt or ruined from it. And how many couples have gotten into the lifestyle because they think it will save a relationship?

My husband has tried for years to get me to enter the lifestyle. At one point I agreed to try it BUT upon talking to a couple who had been in the lifestyle for years I backed out. The female was having sex with other men because her husband demanded it so he could have multiple sex partners himself! I felt like a trading card, not a desirable woman. My husband is not a good looking man [he has very bad teeth] and I was honestly afraid men would want me BUT the women would not want my husband! He has since gone his own way in the lifestyle keeping things a secrete ect ect while I have basically just gone out with a male every now and then, not knowing what I really want BUT being honest with my husband by letting him know I'm going out. I think the ability to communicate openly, not sneak around, and the knowing a female would want my husband because he has a big organ, is a good lover ect and not because her man wanted sex with me would have changed my decesion on entering or not entering the lifestyle. Any thoughts anyone?

In reply to luvitall78233:
Frankly, you could not be more correct. First let me say I thought you decision not to participate in Lifestyle activities was very sensitive of you with your primary concern being the feelings of rejection your husband might experience. That is love. Kathy and I (Ric) have been engaged for nearly 3 years now. My experience has been the although we are both body builders, and relatively decent looking that she by far gets significantly more attention from the male counterparts than I from their wives. Actually , she gets the attention from both LOL. And, its well deserved but I niether take offense by that or feel any jealousy toward her popularity. Could a situation arise were a woman has sex with me simply because her husband wants Kathy ? Absolutely !!! There may be situations were Kathy recognizes that I am attracted sexually to a woman and as a result, decides to entice her husband where she might not ordinarily have done that. The chances of 2 people finding a couple that they are both interested in and that the couple is likewise as interested in the both of them are slim. Maybe 1 in 20. I would never insist that she take one for the team but to some extent, someone is always doing that within the couple or couples. You love your husband and that's obvious. And certainly, I would not suspect he had intended to use you as fly paper..(Although it is very very nice paper-and would work on me). But the idea of him doing his thing and you doing yours is not the lifestyle at all unless you have both agreed that this is what you'd both like to do. Otherwise, its simply cheating on each other and turning your back on the obvious. Honestly, I think I would rather have my spouse use me as fly paper with the possibility of enjoying something together rather than cheat on me.....but just my thoughts.....wordy aren't I......By the way...........Nice ......Very Nice.....and thats cumming from someone who knows bodies LOL

I tend to agree with all previous posts, the swinging lifestyle is not for all couples. It takes a VERY Secure, and couple who's commitment to each other is First unquestionable. This couple also has to have the ability to COMMUNICATE thier needs and desire openly to each other, most often than not they are each others "best friends" as well. In our situation I am more into the lifestyle than my spouse. She supports my quest for meeting and enjoying others, and participates as her schedule allows. Our main goal is to make and keep each other happy and content, and one of the ways of doing that is by swinging.

In reply to KathyNRicMichCouple:It is very true that it is difficult to find another couple and have all four people click so someone is always giving in. However I am not sure if you were not a little hard on the couple that were seeing other people on their own. It is sometimes very difficult for the other spouse to continually be the one giving in with a couple that their other half may be very interested in. We have tried to deal with that problem by allowing the other partner to continue to see the other couples spouse that they get along with sexually as long as we all seem to get along very well socially. Have found it works quite well for us so that may also be an option.

In reply to luvitall78233:
I met one couple whose husband was very jealous, and said I was there because he wasn't enough to satisfy his wife- not a great experience, but I stayed and we still had a pretty good time.
I met another couple where the husband and wife tried to out moan eachother during sex with different partners.
And, I met another couple where the wife and I enjoyed anal explorations with each other, but she asked me not to let her husband know or see what was happening...

hello . i am new to the swinging idea and would like to hear about the best way to begin. i and my wife have discussed the idea pretty throughly... and i would just like to hear some ideas as to what is the best way to begin.
i talked to my wife about same room sex or soft swap as the best way to begin .... would love to hear others ideas
though.... thanks much

Based on what you say you've had discussions with your wife. Now the critical questions.... What does she say about swinging? Have you two come to an agreement that swinging is a possible Viable lifestyle. HAve you discussed Jealousy issues? You are aware that there will be some from time to time and on both sides.

One of the reasons I ask these questions is that you posted anonymously. Since you are listed here, in this venue, one can only assume that you would like to be contacted or would wish to contact people.couples or singles in hope to play. But I'll give you a possible take on where to start and why.

Find an off premise club in your area that you have checked out as being friendly and not so big as to be oblivious to your presents. You and your wife go with absolutely no preconceived ideas or any expectations of playing that trip... If it should happen so be it.. Kiss and dance and touch others within sight of your partner during the social or dance and then see what the reactions are from each of you as both a participant and an observer... If there is an after party go but primarily as an observer but again if everyone is cool and the oportunity presents itself.. play.. Remember, If you are your partner get jealous leave the area and talk it out... DO NOT argue at the party.. since you don't really want to mess up anyone elses' fun. Go home and talk it out.. If you choose to try again try until you find that you cannot or you can handle the lifestyle. If you cannot, as a couple handle it don't try the old, "well I'll do it by myself" thing. You will surley destroy your marriage. Remember, swinging is not for everyone. Oh, and BTW Meet people during this period.. at the mall or at a resturant with no expectations.. Let them know you are new and would like to talk about their experiences. You might be surprised how many people are open to this.
Ray In reply to Anonymous:

The first important step in swinging is for a couple to admit to each other that, yes, this is what we want to do. There is always a lot of talk and posturing, but most people seem to stop just short of admitting they want to move to the next step.

This being said, the woman HAS to be 110% in with the idea for it to work. If there is any doubt in their minds then it will NEVER work. Let's face it, men, a lot of you would be ready in a moment's notice with very little convincing. But my ex and I have been with several couples over the years where it was clear that the wife/girlfriend was there only to amuse her man. And it showed...very noticeable.

Once the admission has been made, the rules must be set. And the more the rules are followed the easier it is. My ex and I had a rule that we only swung together, mostly inthe same room. A time or two we went away from that rule, although it was by agreement. But we always remained faithful to that and, in essence, stayed faithful to each other as well.

I agree swing is not for all couples.
It must be mutaul respect and honor.
That is what swinging is about.
Trust and love can come through.
Yes males will jump in there in a moments notice.
The question remains will you find a code?
That way all joined persons can be equal.In the D's or BD/SM we follow simple rules.
1 trust
2 honor the SIR's
3 trust the company
4 be yourself
5 do not be pushy& arrogent.
It will not get you nowhere.
Sex is simple ,but the honesty must all always be there.
Be courtious and cautious.
GOOD LUCK